What Attracts Women to Other Women?
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Why Are So Many Women Sleeping With Other Women
What has prompted me to write this Hub is the extraordinary amount of hits I get on my Hub The Craze-Why Are So Many Straight Women Sleeping With Other Women? I wrote that hub over a year and a half ago and it is still my most hit on Hub I have. Hmmmmmm, what does this say about women and sexuality today? I have written several Hubs and Blogs on the subject and it is always amazing to me what I hear. I love that women are so open and usually very willing to go out of their comfort zone.
There are several theories why straight women sleep with other women. A few are that women desire the sensitivity they can find with another women, others feel safe, others what to "check it out".
Then, there are the Dykes (I say this in the most loving way -I love Dykes)! To me all gay women are Dykes. I do not stero-type a certain physical look to this name. These are just women who love women. I like that. Why do I like Dykes, who knows? I feel that all gay women have a certain vibe to them that I really enjoy. When I am unable to "feel" that vibe the woman is either not gay at all or Bi-Sexual (usually I can pick that up too) This is not to say I am attracted to all Dykes I just get along well and enjoy them. *Yeah Dykes* As the saying goes, "Some of my best friends are Dykes"
Whatever is going on out there -there is a whole lot of ladies lovin' the ladies these days.
What Do You Like In The Ladies?
Come on gals what is it? The hair, the mouth, the eyes, the voice? The height, the curves, the lack of curves, the breast, the lack of breasts. The vibes, the laugh, the strength, the lack of strength? Is she gentle, sweet, rough, or hard to figure out? Can you feel her chemistry, her vibe? Is she unattainable, a mystery, a quest? Does she interest you because she is straight? Is there a thrill of being her first? Do you feel powerful at the thought of being a women's first?
Let's face it ladies. In some ways Dykes have it made. Every lesbian I know has either fallen in love with a "straight" women or slept with several. The funny thing is how the "straight" women often fall really hard for the Dykes. I asked a friend of mine, "Do Dykes feel that straight women are easy prey?" I mean really, so many women are easily swayed to the other-side. Dykes can be very convincing. Her response was, "No, we just think they have been so hurt by men that they move toward women."
I know several people who have basically had to control married women from leaving their husbands for them. Ladies, it is the deadly combo of the female connection. The friendship women have with one and other mixed with the erotic intimate sex- that can truly be a lethal combination.
There are pitfalls to both sides, I know this.
Can Be Serious.
I know this is a very serious topic. What I ,also, know is that more women are sleeping with other women then ever!!!
I have been told by a couple of young girls that they have gotten bored and just "had sex" with their friends for the hell of it. Other women, can't explain what it is that draws them to another female (I call it magnetism). Some have really had casual relationships because they had a desire to see what it is like. While others have fallen in love and decided to be open enough to know that a real connection does not come along that often. Why blow it just because it is a female.
Often it is thought that Lesbians are the ones to get hurt. True as it may be. Bi-sexual or Hetero-fleible women have also gotten very hurt form Lesbians. Often Lesbians live in such fear that the women will leave them for a man (an unfair competition) that the Lesbian leaves the non-lesbian.
I feel this happens more often with the younger women who need to experience more of life. As woman ages she realize, as I said above, that a true connection is very hard to find so if found she might be foolish to let it go. Also, as a women is older she probably has been there and done that with men and no longer has the need to go out and be with men.
Emotions are obviously involved especially with all the female energy. I often think to myself young women have to deal with PMS and older women with Peri-Menopause and Menopause. This makes the connection and intensity much more volatile. Yikes!
Tell Me What You Like. I'll start.
OK ladies I want to hear what floats your boat. Be honest and frank. I will start. As you you might surmise I like a Dyke. No Bi-Sexual or straight females for me. The gay vibe is a must. However, not enough. Many a Dyke is not for me. It is like voting. At the bare minimum you have to be 18. Yes, you can vote but will you? Who will you vote for? So, what is next. I love chemistry. Chemistry is hard to find. However, we all have chemistry with our friends our colleagues and others. Still not enough. I have chemistry with many people and many Dykes and there needs to be more, magnetism. It is like a Litmus Test.
My Personal Litmus Test
1. Dyke
2. Chemistry
3. Magnetism (a hard one)
4. Aesthetic value
*Aesthetics. Here it is. Boyishly pretty female (handsomely beautiful as well but I have only seen that once). Usually shortish hair, pretty, toned figure (with a curve), breasts not too big, confidence without arrogance.
Personality plays a huge role and a person's likes, dislikes, philosophy, character etc play a huge role. This should be a good enough start to get your thoughts rolling.
CommentsLoading...
Thank you for being the first post. Very nicely done. Indigo Butterfly I love the name.
I really enjoyed reading this =) Since a very young age I had always had an interest in girls and then I was finally brave enough to follow my instincts and let the world know that I am infact attracted to females. Just like you Scarlett Black, I love the Dykes!! I have been dating my current girlfriend for about 6months now and i can honestly say that I have never been happier. I love the fact that her and I just understand eachother. Our connection is so strong. Although she is strong, she has the softest touch and gives the most passionate kisses. She knows what I want because she wants the same things aswell. Although I am satisfied with my life, I still find it very sad that so many girls out there who are lesbian, are still too afraid to come out the closet and be themselves because they feel society will judge them. Another thing that irritates me is when a straight girl pretends to be lesbian...the relationship always leads to disaster and leaves the real lesbian hurt and feeling betrayed, girls shoud strive to be honest. Do not be afraid to say whether you are lebian, straight or just curious....because no matter what your sexual orientation is....Us girls will always remain beautiful!!
sxc-skye Thank you for your comment and you honesty. I find it an intersting thing. Yes, I am sure many gay females have been hurt by "straight" women. The flip side is that many "straight" or Bi-sexual women have been hurt by gay women who find it too stressful to date a woman who like men too. As I mentioned in the hub I think this is easier at an older age. It is so hard to connect to someone- when you do gender really is not an issue. It becomes an issue when you are younger and have the need to prove something or experience life. I do however think is is really bad if a straight female were to lie and pretend to be gay, wow! The energy of love does not recognize gender. It was around long before we were :)
I just read your other hub and find them both interesting. I think it is great that you are able to recognize what it is you like and accept it. I have always been amazed at the variety of females. I know that sounds funny but I feel as if there are more types of women then men. "Litmus" goes way beyond funny. I am going to give my "type" some thought.
Great hub! What I find most amusing is those women or men who ENJOY having sex with the same-sex but still consider themselves straight as an arrow. All in all, your hub was very honest and funny at the same time. I look forward to reading more! :)
atlovsbm- Thank you. I think you hit the nail on the ead. "Straight as an arrow". That is the funny part. I know lesbians that casually say oh "her girlfriend is straight." Although it sounds funny even gay women condsider some women who sleep with women straight but not straight as an arrow. The straight as an arrow is the key. I am not sure anyone is really straight as an arrow. You never know what you might do and when?
much more women out there just love being with other women they are lesbians and they are men haters a lot of them would not know what to do if they had a real man i consider myself a very nice normal average man and i would like to find a normal woman for me if i see a woman that i like i will try to talk to her and a lot of them are very nasty and they will walk away from me
there are so many women today that are lesbians. it is very disgusting to me to see people today going for their own sex. these people are very mentally sick and should be put away.i consider myself an average good looking caring,loving,straight man and now i know why that i am having a problem meeting a normal straight woman today.i go out a lot but i seem to meet all these low life women out there.i know other men like me that have the same problem as well. i was married twice and i was a very good husband to both of the women that i was once married to.i never thought that i would have to compete with women to find a normal one today.boy have times changed. years ago it would have been a lot easier meeting good women unlike now. i am not a shy person if i see a woman that i am attracted to i would try to start a conversation with her but they walk away.as much as i hate to go out i will still go out. maybe a miracle will happen and i will meet a good one. to me it will be like winning the lottery.
Like the old saying goes..If you can't beat them,then join them..I have tried the gay thing,as when i was a little child i got more girls than the boys,but that faded as i became an adult..I tried it and realized this wasn't my cup of honey sunshine tea.I think a lot of women turn to women because of sexual abuse from fathers or just men in general,for comfort because what being knows your body other than another woman,I think a lot of women turn to women for that motherly bond and comfort and because their luck is not so good with men.But all in all i say to each his or her own..I see nothing wrong with loving each other no matter gender or same sex.Have fun,stay safe and treat each other gently and with respect.
I welcome all comments no matter which side of the fence you are on. However, this is NOT a platform to degrade and abuse people and their lifestyles. Constructive comments will always be respected. If you want to abuse fellow humans your comments will never make it on to the page.
I picked up the phone one day at work and literally was struck by lightning at the sound of the woman's voice on the other end. She was one of the IT people at my Corporate headquarters-- and I had seen her, spoken to her many times before, and had not given her a second thought. Meanwhile, I had been a serial dater of men for years, determined to find 'Mr. Right'.
- That one phone call changed my life. I made up an excuse to drive down to the corporate office the next day and see her in person, to figure out if these 'Butterflies from out of the blue' were real.
They were.
Before that day, women hadn't even occurred to me.
And since that day, no man has even stirred the slightest bit of interest. Its as if one switch was flipped off ....and another one was flipped on at the same time. Thats all I can say about it.
Kara, yup that happens. Flip of a switch! I am wondering what happened with the girl with the "voice?"
Well, after months of flirtation (because I was too shy to declare myself initially) we finally ended up together, for almost two years. She was my first love.......
Nice. Thank you for sharing Kara.
I loved this hub. It really got me thinking what makes me attracted to women. I guess its a womans confidence. It is so much different than a mans and well they're figure and the way they know what a woman wants simply because they are one. I thought it was well written and you made many valid yet over looked points. Nicely Done :]
Ok this is stupid. I have friends I love too, but that doesn't mean I'm going to fall in love & have sex with them. It makes no sense how some of you fools call yourselves "straight" while sleeping around with a person of the same sex. Straight people don't do that crap; they don't even think like that, so quit lying to yourselves. You aren't straight if you're a girl falling in love with girls! You fools sound more like "bisexual" if I didn't know any better & you're a fool if you think any decent person is going to fall for your con. Homosexuality in general is unnatural, & it seems some of you "straight" girls are being manipulated by man hating dykes into converting to lesbianism, which is pretty much insanity & downright shameful.
Real straight women are attracted to MEN, not women. That's why they are called STRAIGHT. Saying otherwise it just plain idiotic
What attracts women to other women?
Answer: DESPERATION. Because they assume all men are the same & because they have had bad experiences with men. It's a real darn shame too, because there are many decent men out there who aren't assholes. But you ladies never pay any attention them because you want "a man who is strong" & because when the nice guys give you attention, you ignore them. But you can't find any nice guys because you are so cruel them. But when you do find one, & he shows you emotion & even tries to be romantic to you, you treat him so badly---you ignore him, you use him, then you abuse him (& trust me, stats of men getting abused by women are much higher than what they were 10 years ago), & then you wonder why he hates you. So, as a result, you result to women in desperation, & even then, you realize you aren't happy. Your lesbianism is a desperate cry for help that only shows how much you take nice guys for granted. And trust me, when I say "nice guys", I don't mean those girly men, I mean the guys who are nice & maybe a little on edge. Have you ever bothered to think that maybe it isn't the guys who are being the assholes, but maybe, just maybe, it is YOU who are being the asshole? Ever thought about that? Hmm?
It's no wonder Western men are going overseas to get women, because you western women take all us nice guys for granted. Maybe if you ladies would stop being total assholes with guys, maybe you wouldn't have to worry about getting with guys who are complete & total assholes. And resorting to lesbianism isn't going to make things any easier, trust me. I have actually spoken to actual lesbians, & they have told me that the drama & even abuse is much worst! In fact, there is supporting evidence that show abuse is much higher in gay & lesbian relationships than with straight relationships. so you still want to lesbian? /sarcasm
Understand the decisions you make will affect those who you are around & will affect the outcome of you end of marrying & end up being attracted to. But be aware, that are many fishes in the sea. Not all men are assholes & not all men are rapists. Men have feelings & emotions, they are just better at controlling them. Becoming lesbians won't solve your problems. It'll only turn you against each other.
@OP aka Scarlett Black
Hey Scarlett! Frank was not "degrading & abusing people's lifestyle" in his post. He was just expressing his own opinion. He has that given right, just like everyone else. So quit being so gosh-darn sensitive. You have no right to tell him he isn't allow to express is view on lesbians---yeah he said lesbians are "disgusting", but so what? I hear gay people say all the time that "straight people are disgusting" & yet I hear no one complain. So how come is it ok for gay people to say the same stuff about straights, while it isn't ok for straight to say the same things about gay people? Hypocritical much? So stop being a self-arrogant bitch & take the time to understand his point of view for change instead of bashing on him just because you don't agree with his opinion. You're being a hypocrite.
WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP My comment was NOT addressed to Frank if it had been YOU would not have seen his post. I approved his comment as I feel all reasonable opinions are welcome. It was addressed to someone else whose comments I did not approve that crossed every line there was and were threatening!!
i cannot believe what i am reading, with this kind of a topic. but it is true, and the way that i feel is why are so many women obsessed with other women today instead of us men? this is very disgusting to me. it appears to me that these type of women never had a man in the first place. and if they did at one time, they did not know what to do. so sad to say, but so many women today are very dysfunctional. bad times are ahead, for us straight men that are looking to meet a good woman today. hey wait, did i say a good woman? where in the world are they now? do they exist? even the ones that appear to be straight, are very nasty when i try to start a conversation with the one that i would really like to meet. today the women are certainly without a doubt, a lot different than the women of years ago. it was much easier meeting women years ago, more and more women did like men at one time. then again, there were not as many lesbians as we have now.
I had a giggle at 'straight man' comment. I'm pretty sure there were just as many lesbians back then but it wasn't as socially acceptable back then as it is now. As for nasty women, I'm sure there are plenty who are straight also :)
Women are not lesbian because they don't know what to do with a man either, we sleep with women because they are far better at it without the extra parts ;)
As for my preference, I like the chemistry, women who look like women, a strong mind, a sense of humour is a must and a woman that won't crumble at the smallest hurdle in life. I have nothing against men, I have some good friends who are men but I don't enjoy sleeping with them even if i can appreciate an athletic body thats as far as it goes, I have no desire to be with one.
I realized this is somewhat of an old post, but I felt I needed to add my two cents. I myself, identify as a queer woman who's sexuality has wavered between bi and lesbian over the time. Two years ago, I would have replied back with 90% lesbian, but found myself dating a man, a persistent patron at the Starbucks I was a Barista at, and who would not take no as answer to going out with him. This was somewhat of an eye opening experience for me in many ways - for one, I had had very few encounters with men growing up, since I grew up in a fairly conservative country where male/female interactions were quite limited. Within a few weeks, I had more sexual encounters involving male penetration than my almost thirty years of existence. With this came the realization that I, as a matter of fact do enjoy sexual intercourse in the traditional heterosexual sense. The second being the appreciation of my attraction to the fairer sex, as the relationship that ensued was an amalgamation of me and the other girl he was dating (and my first stint at polyamory).
After a year, he is gone (got a job in NYC), and us two girls remain in a relationship. I identify more as bisexual with a preference for women, and I'd define her as a straight-acting woman rather than anything else. Straight-acting you might inquire? Straight acting is the category I put women in, who like my girlfriend, have had previously had several sexual interactions with other women but identify as straight. My girlfriend had had several sexual encounters with women (3 different women) during her college years. This included an ongoing sexual relationship (others might refer to as friends with benefits) which lasted for over a year, when one of them found themselves in a relationship with a boy. Though there was some emotion involved, it was a more sexually driven partnership of sorts. Hence, she had always identified as straight - so, straight-acting is the word I prefer to use.
This is not limited to her though. I have dated at least two other straight-acting women from a dating site I frequented. Although, these dates were more like hookups, I navigated towards these women due to their feminine exterior and their willingness to push boundaries. Most of them being somewhat submissive when it comes to men, but manifesting the need to take control when with other women or taking turns in doing so at least. They also tend to appreciate the femininity I bring to the table, compliment the color and shape of my nails, my hair, eyeshadow and my dress and shoes. Being with a man and a woman at the same time highlighted this for me quite a bit, as now I appreciate the little things like the feeling of her hair on my thighs, the girth of her arms when I hold them, to the feeling of perfectly manicured fingernails flicking my nipples (as long as they're not too long of course). My girlfriend and I have been in a 1 on 1 relationship since December, exchanged the most beautiful I love yous and are contemplating moving in together (even though she spends most of the nights with me already). However, we both agree that this has been the best relationship either one of us has had so far!
Straight women as opposed to straight acting women are still on the more experimental stages. Having been with a plethora of women since moving to San Francisco, I have learnt to steer clear of this kind. Partly in response to a relationship with one who would go into denial about ever having sex with me and another girl who I met online through a chatroom, who was into it when we kissed, but awkwardly left me hanging as soon as our tops were off and my tongue licked her nipple for the first time. Not saying that all straight women are like that - went home with a girl from a club once who was a major freak in bed, only to find out the next day that I was her first. But I've passed that stage in life, and have recently pursued women who are at least confident and experienced enough to know what they want.
One thing is for sure, more and more women are sleeping with other women and are more approachable than even half a decade ago. An article I read not too long ago went as far as to say that over half of the women born in or after the 90s, living in urban America, will have had a same-sex sexual encounter by the age of 25. I remember reading in Cosmo back in the late 90s how 74% of women would sleep with other women if no one found out, but now they don't mind telling. My my, how times have changed :)
I am Sara, and I'm a queer femme girl. My preference, other women of femme or andro exterior (with at least a little or some experience with other women). And I end with the hope I did not offend anyone, and if I did, my greatest apologies (please grow up).
SFsocialchick love this reply. Very well thought out and honest. Thank you for taking the time. You make me want to go out with you :)
Haha! I'm flattered!
Indigo Butterfly 16 months ago
It's always been my belief that either a lacking or overbearing mother-figure is at the root of the situation. Of course the dynamic of male influences seems to add a strong push to the decision.
I myself, am fond of a strong woman. Mental strength, that is. My love enjoys being a woman, in the fashion sense. She doesn't have much appreciation for the vulnerability and/or fragile times of life. Men surely don't represent strength in her eyes, no matter the size of their bodies.
I like big bright eyes, that aren't afraid to make contact with mine. She has the softest touch no matter what mood she is in.
I'm not into labels though. I am a woman who is in love with another woman. I have children. Men are the least frightening beings I have come across. They just do not ever smell as good as a woman does, no matter what they do. Nothing in the world is more beautiful than a woman.